July 1 2011
It’s been a bit of a curious week. Ellie went off to Monaco having finished her GCSEs. I went to the airport with her – ah, don’t ever fall for the joys of Luton – and there was that moment where it really seemed as if she was finally gone, grown up and flown the nest. When she passed through the sign that said “Departures – Passengers Only” and up the stairs, it really felt as if she was now going to where her life was. Like the sign said that I’d taken her as far as I could – maybe as far as I should – and that from here on in, she was on her own.
Maybe I’m reading too much into this. Maybe it’s all just sentimental twaddle. She’s still 15. What was I doing at 15? Who knows? My curiously empty memory won’t tell me. I think I was simply young and dumb. I can’t imagine I was as wise as she is. I’m not sure I ever was.
She had a great time in Monaco – naturally.
Back for the prom
Anna Russian 15 still with us – halfway through her month stay
Laughton Lodge party – kinda reconciled all that now
Night of David Haye fight and Wimbledon still on. Can’t get that out of my head. What could I have been? So many wrong turns, so many missed opportunities, so many open goals. Yet still here I am with a life that, OK, isn’t what it might have been but is still pretty damn good.
Still feeling a bit stir crazy in the countryside. Will this abate when the house build really starts?
Lou re-building bridges at the Lodge. Stayed at Steffie’s on Friday and Sassie’s on Saturday. Good.
Getting on better with Gill, think she appreciates the fragility of this a bit more since our ‘troubles’
Two Spanish girls from Barcelona arrived on Sunday. That’s three students in the one house. Busy but lucrative. Teaching all day Monday. It’s only one day but still feel a little resentful. I’ve got a full-time job – and this isn’t the deal.
July 5
Picked up Ellie from Amy’s house – been to an all-night party and had that been up all night look. Sweet.
If anything I’m a bit envious of it all – the joy of it all. It’s not so much innocence cos I don’ t think there’s that much innocence involved but what I mean is the joy of doing new things for the first time. The thrill.
Naturally it makes me think back to the memory black hole that is my youth. What did I get up to? Who was I? Questions that still sound disingenuous but actually I really mean it.
Later today I’m off to London town with Lou to see Selena Gomez in HMV in Oxford Street. Such fun!
The best day. Lou and I went up to London, so exciting, so excited. Got to HMV and found that we had to have a wristband – had no idea. Lou was initially disappointed but stoic. I said not to worry and sweet-talked the head security guard into giving us a pass.
Queued outside for two hours, really exciting. Got in, waited inside the shop for about an hour. Such palpable electricity. I love being with Lou in this mood – it’s such a pure energy, such a pure emotion. And she’s always just so happy about it.
Tuesday, 5 July 2011
Weds May 18
Wednesday May 18
Off to Sunderland for my first gig as an External Examiner. Got that huge “they’re going to find me out” feeling, and this time I think they’re really going to find me out. An external examiner? I’m barely an internal examiner. But I figure that in this game appearances are all and as long as I do a bit of reading and sound like I’m proper person, well what’s to go wrong? It’s interesting. There’s a bloke I know from this place who, the few times we’ve met, has given me the look that he knows. But I’m still not sure what exactly the look is. Is it “I know you’re a charlatan and I’m just waiting for you to blow your flimsy cover”? Or is it “Listen, I’m also a charlatan. Let’s just understand each other and move on.” No idea which of those it is. Gotta play safe and straight.
Retford. Where the bloody is Retford? Somewhere up north(ish). Fields and pylons and Monopoly board houses. Retford. By the time I consider it, it’s gone, replaced by somewhere else with fields and pylons and Monopoly board houses. Maybe it’s still Retford and I’m stuck in some timewarp. The train is hurtling forward, the trees are flying past the windows, the carriage is rumbling along as carriages do... and we’re not moving at all. We’re not moving at all, stuck in Retford in a bubble, trapped like a hamster on a four dimensional wheel, running and running and not moving anywhere. Either that or everywhere here looks the same.
Still very excited by the house story. Really, how many people get this opportunity? How many people get the chance to play Grand Designs? And it’s not that so much – it’s that we’re getting to do it without having to save up for years, without having had a “dream” that we’ve followed – finding the plot, saving, taking years and all that, it’s just fallen into our laps.
OK, it’s not that straightforward and I know that partly the reason that we’re in this position is bravery. I always say to the students at college that the most important thing for any of them to say is “Yes”. Any opportunity that comes along, say “Yes”. A chance, an option, a door... say “Yes”. As someone else once said, “I didn’t get where I am today but not saying Yes”. Gill and I both have that thing of saying Yes at the important time. If there’s a big decision to be made, we both say Yes and take it on. Sometimes it pays off, sometimes it kicks you out the park.
Sometimes we end up with mad debts and sometimes we end up with mad opportunities. It cuts both ways, but it adds up to an interesting whole.
This is becoming problematic. I’ve got The Book Chapter to write, the WAP project to do and the MRes to start. Oh, and there’s the Dubai conference paper. And every time i think of a subject and start reading about it, i find that someone else has already done it.
I was going to do something on Beckham and celebrity – but that’s been done. This is actually a problem because I’ve already sold the idea to both Cambridge and to Dubai and I can’t get out of it for either. I did day that I’m going to do that for the WAP, but nothing is signed sealed or delivered so I can delay that. On the one hand it’s a mare, on the other hand... if I can think of a solution, I can do the same piece all over the place. Just a question of finding a solution.
For the MRes I was going to do a study of Cool, what it was, what it wasn’t, how we define it etc. But hey and ho, someone has already done it.
Beckham
PR
Survival
Acceptance
Royalty
Celebrity
Advertising
Branding
Privacy
Cool
Marketing
Icon
Symbol
Twitter
Super Injunctions
Accessible
The hero
Mystique
Am I any nearer? Am I hell.
Off to Sunderland for my first gig as an External Examiner. Got that huge “they’re going to find me out” feeling, and this time I think they’re really going to find me out. An external examiner? I’m barely an internal examiner. But I figure that in this game appearances are all and as long as I do a bit of reading and sound like I’m proper person, well what’s to go wrong? It’s interesting. There’s a bloke I know from this place who, the few times we’ve met, has given me the look that he knows. But I’m still not sure what exactly the look is. Is it “I know you’re a charlatan and I’m just waiting for you to blow your flimsy cover”? Or is it “Listen, I’m also a charlatan. Let’s just understand each other and move on.” No idea which of those it is. Gotta play safe and straight.
Retford. Where the bloody is Retford? Somewhere up north(ish). Fields and pylons and Monopoly board houses. Retford. By the time I consider it, it’s gone, replaced by somewhere else with fields and pylons and Monopoly board houses. Maybe it’s still Retford and I’m stuck in some timewarp. The train is hurtling forward, the trees are flying past the windows, the carriage is rumbling along as carriages do... and we’re not moving at all. We’re not moving at all, stuck in Retford in a bubble, trapped like a hamster on a four dimensional wheel, running and running and not moving anywhere. Either that or everywhere here looks the same.
Still very excited by the house story. Really, how many people get this opportunity? How many people get the chance to play Grand Designs? And it’s not that so much – it’s that we’re getting to do it without having to save up for years, without having had a “dream” that we’ve followed – finding the plot, saving, taking years and all that, it’s just fallen into our laps.
OK, it’s not that straightforward and I know that partly the reason that we’re in this position is bravery. I always say to the students at college that the most important thing for any of them to say is “Yes”. Any opportunity that comes along, say “Yes”. A chance, an option, a door... say “Yes”. As someone else once said, “I didn’t get where I am today but not saying Yes”. Gill and I both have that thing of saying Yes at the important time. If there’s a big decision to be made, we both say Yes and take it on. Sometimes it pays off, sometimes it kicks you out the park.
Sometimes we end up with mad debts and sometimes we end up with mad opportunities. It cuts both ways, but it adds up to an interesting whole.
This is becoming problematic. I’ve got The Book Chapter to write, the WAP project to do and the MRes to start. Oh, and there’s the Dubai conference paper. And every time i think of a subject and start reading about it, i find that someone else has already done it.
I was going to do something on Beckham and celebrity – but that’s been done. This is actually a problem because I’ve already sold the idea to both Cambridge and to Dubai and I can’t get out of it for either. I did day that I’m going to do that for the WAP, but nothing is signed sealed or delivered so I can delay that. On the one hand it’s a mare, on the other hand... if I can think of a solution, I can do the same piece all over the place. Just a question of finding a solution.
For the MRes I was going to do a study of Cool, what it was, what it wasn’t, how we define it etc. But hey and ho, someone has already done it.
Beckham
PR
Survival
Acceptance
Royalty
Celebrity
Advertising
Branding
Privacy
Cool
Marketing
Icon
Symbol
Super Injunctions
Accessible
The hero
Mystique
Am I any nearer? Am I hell.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)