Post 2 - 22 Jan

After a long walk in the woods….

Maybe one of the reasons I subconsciously got a bit upset this morning was because it seemed to me

We had a night morning away from the children, a night/morning to ourselves and what happened? As soon as we woke up, it was arrangements and instructions. There was no passion, no physical warmth, no anything warmth. I’m not talking about sex here – I do understand about heavy periods and broken wrists.

And most of the time you sound like you’re talking to a junior partner. “Right, you do this, I’ll do that. Tell me when you’re done. We’ll rendez-vous at 14hundred hours”.

I used to disagree a lot more than I do now, mostly now I don’t say anything. (Which probably comes across as sulking or being in a mood – both of which are horrible and both of which I apologise for).

But it upsets me more than I can ever say that in a situation like this morning there was no floppiness, no messing around, no loose warmth.

And so to sex. Of course and so to sex. First to say, it’s not just about sex, it’s about physical contact. I find myself in a 15 year marriage and who is the (adult) person who kisses me the most? Rob. Who is the (adult) person I kiss the most? Rob again.


There has to be more to a physical relationship than simply sex.

I cannot forget what you’ve said about our sex in the past

“It’s never been any good. Nice enough but never any good”

”As soon as we got together I realised that the sex didn’t work. But I thought that the rest of the package was good enough to compensate”

“I’ve had good sex in the past with other people and so I know what what we’ve got isn’t it but I always knew that”

Well, quite a few years ago when our sex rate dropped off to somewhere near it’s current ‘once every few months’ rate I too thought that “the partnership” was good enough to compensate. Now I’m not so sure.

Yes, when we get on we get on. But we don’t have the laughs we used to, we don’t have a lightness of touch when we’re together that we used to. Functionally I’m not sure that it’s working either. Financially it seriously doesn’t work. In terms of what we want from the future, we seem to be looking at different things too. (You want this rural idyll; I want a more urban setting).

Where all this leaves us... I'm not sure. Maybe that's why I started writing it down.